Is Vibrator Use Addictive?
Margaret was a single woman in her late forties who came to me for sex coaching. She had been without a partner for several years, and she wanted to meet someone, but she was afraid of what she was bringing into the bedroom, an inability to come in any way except with a vibrator. She is not alone. The internet is full of women asking the question, “Am I desensitizing my clitoris by using a vibrator?” “I can’t come anymore without a vibrator, what do I do?” is the most commonly asked question by women in my practice. Some people only think of female masturbation as toy use.
In a recent study of 3000 women, 53% of women reported having used a vibrator (1), and the study concluded that there were many health benefits to the practice, including easier and more intense orgasms. The secret no one is talking about is the anecdotal evidence. Many (but not all) women who use vibrators are noticing a decreased ability to come with a partner from manual or oral stimulation, and definitely not from vaginal penetration. So is clitoral desensitzation a reality? And if it is, what’s a girl to do?
Let me say, I have nothing against vibrators. I have several. And everything the study says is true. They can be a nice tool in your kit of ways to achieve orgasm. But if they are your only way to find pleasure, it’s a little limiting. And many women do report being less sensitive to touch after long-term use. For those of you who want to break free from Hitachi and his cohorts, here are some steps you can take.
Cultivating a Batteries Free Orgasm
Here are some steps to take when you wish to experience batteries -free orgasm. It may take a while, but it will be worth it.
1) Discontinue vibrator use for a period of time
Allow several days to pass before you attempt self-pleasure. Every day, do conect with your genitals, in a way that feels pleasurable. Cup your yoni in your hand and feel it’s heat. Breathe and imagine your vulva opening like a flower
2) Engage all of your senses to arouse yourself before you touch
Put on something that makes you feel sexy. Watch or read some erotica. Get out a mirror and look at yourself as if your yoni was a flower.
3) Detach from the goal
Next time you self-pleasure, make feeling as good as possible for as long as possible your objective. Get to know the touch you like, the spots you enjoy, the pace that feels best.
4) Celebrate any Sensation
During the retraining process, allow yourself to enjoy the feelings of arousal (however small) that you can sense. Appreciate each stroke. Engage your secondary erogenous zones such as nipples, and lips. Notice the peaks of sensation that are available. Get the mirror back out and see how engorged you may be. Even if you don’t feel the explosion that you traditionally associate with orgasm, you will probably be showing physiological signs of arousal. When you stop, if you have gone over a high peak or not, allow yourself time to come back down. Apply pressure to the excited areas, clitoris, labia, etc.
For more on this, read my article How to Be Your Own Divine Lover
(1) Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use by Women in the
United States: Results from a Nationally Representative Study
Debra Herbenick, PhD, MPH,* Michael Reece, PhD, MPH,* Stephanie Sanders, PhD, Brian Dodge, PhD,* Annahita Ghassemi, PhD, and J. Dennis Fortenberry, MD, MS
*Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University, Bloomington, IN, USA;