Agreement is control.  Repeat after me, because this is one of the most important techniques for having a pleasurable life. It’s also one of the hardest to remember and practice, when life or your partner has delivered something you weren’t expecting. Agreement is control. Life is like the ocean; big, powerful and unpredictable. When you are surfing (not that I do, but this is how it seems to me) if the curl starts to break in a different direction, you can keep on your same trajectory and get dragged under, or you can adjust your position and enjoy the ride.

I was recently reminded of this when my husband threw me a curve ball. At first, I fought it. I tried getting him over to my plans and point of view. The result was a power struggle and we were both suffering. Agreement means you surf the wave in the direction it’s going. You take the creator stance instead of the victim role. You look (hard) until you find chow the current actions serves you. When I go to that realization, the suffering stopped. Peace of mind, empowerment and love returned. And while I still have work to do to ensure that I don’t get beaned by the next curve ball, I have a far better chance that he’ll listen if I come from love and clarity rather than resentment and fear, and bullying.

You know what I like about myself? Sometimes, the waves come and I wipe out.  And then I get back on the board to surf another day.  Because win or lose, relationship is an exhilarating sport.

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