Not so long ago, a man invited me to meet him for coffee. Thinking it was an opportunity to network for my business, I accepted. When we met, it was clear I was expected to pay for my own coffee. No problem if this is a business meeting, but it soon became obvious this man was interested in me romantically. This, I don’t like. If a gentleman asks me out, I want him to pay. I know it may be old fashioned. I like to be pampered by my men, and I consider it courtly. I bring other gifts to the relationship. As the hour progressed, this person talked mostly about himself. When he did ask about me, I got the feeling he was listening with an ear to when he could insert himself back into the conversation. (Note to men – women want someone interested in them, not trying to be interesting). As you can hear, this wasn’t going that well. The conversation was interesting enough, but I found myself struggling with how to nicely tell the guy that I wanted a chance to talk!
The end of the date was the piece de resistance. I went to shake hands and he pulled me in for a hug. He then proceeded to kiss me. I turned my face to offer my cheek, and he craned his neck to plant one on my lips.
I was a little shell shocked. Again, with all my training and experience, I said nothing. By the time I got to my car, I was furious. Furious at him for being what I thought was insensitive, and pushy. Mostly furious at myself for not having the voice to say, “That was not okay! Our friendship is not at that level of physical intimacy yet.” (Another note to men – there is something so romantic about being asked, “May I kiss you?” I know you risk hearing a no, but the anticipation created by the question makes the kiss when it comes that much sweeter.)
How often do we find ourselves in situations where our boundaries are trespassed, and we just go along to get along? Men often wonder the women they relate to are so angry. It’s the accumulation of dozens of these little scenarios, situations where we don’t speak up for ourselves, because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, or worst case afraid for our physical safety. How do we overcome a lifetime of conditioning? From “children are to be seen and not heard,” to “a man’s home is his castle” the subtle messages live on in our culture. That’s why I’m excited for tonight’s radio guest, Relationship Coach Terri Crosby. Terri has been teaching singles and couples the differences between men and women for years, and tonight we are going to talk about what it means to be an Empowered Women. How do you show up in your relationship as an Empowered Woman? How do you find your voice, speak your truth, and do it without emasculating your partner or damaging the relationship?
Tune in tonight, or listen to it in the archives Here.