About Must-Have Sexual Experiences

I subscribe to a website that connects reporters working on stories with specialists who can give information. We’ve gotten lots of great exposure working with journalists from Salon, CafeMom, Alternet and The Stir. But a request today triggered me, and so this is a SOAPBOX ALERT!!!

The reporter wanted to know about “Sexual Experiences Everyone Should Experience.”

Here’s what I wanted to respond. There are none. Keep reading to see what I want the article to say. . .

There is no SHOULD in sex

There is absolutely no activity that everyone MUST try before they die. This is just another excuse to make a sensationalized top ten list about threesomes, and kink, all the while making people feel badly about what they are supposedly missing out on. So, stop “shoulding” on yourself. This whole idea is anathema to the idea of Sexual Authenticity™ that Pleasure Evolution stands for. One person’s yum is another persons yuck. What’s most important is that you feel free to be You.

Here’s my version of what the article could say, that would be genuinely helpful in creating confident, self-expressed individuals.

Top Ten Intimacies Everyone Deserves:

  1. To look in the mirror and love their own body, exactly the way it is
  2. To look into the eyes of another person and see the best of themselves reflected there
  3. To be loved and have that love demonstrated in ways that they need and desire
  4. To give love unconditionally and be nourished by the act of loving
  5. To feel entitled to their own sexuality, and allow themselves to be aroused by whatever stimuli they choose
  6. To be able to use sex toys if they choose without fear of arrest
  7. To be able to choose to have sexual congress with anyone who is legally of age, and mentally competent to give consent without stigma or shame about their gender
  8.  To have an orgasm, whatever that looks like for you, full-body, ejaculatory, non-ejaculatory, energy based, by your own hand or with someone else
  9. To understand that their sexuality is uniquely theirs and their divine birthright
  10. To feel safe and entitled to say yes and to say no to offers for pleasure, as they wish

Pleasure is healing. You don’t need a partner to have a great and active sensual life. Don’t worry about what you should do, and start living the life you WANT!


Got any to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.

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