When you find yourself making the same mistake
Lately, I’ve been pondering, why do I keep making the same mistake over and over? Haven’t I learned this lesson yet? And I realized that wasn’t a real question. It’s a judgment with a question mark attached. And that pretty much guarantees that nothing ever changes. There is a poem by Portia Nelson, that I like.
“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
photo by Nacho Diaz for Unsplash
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.”
What if we were gentler with ourselves, when it seems like we are backsliding? What if we just asked, “What would it take for me to change this?” or “What’s right about this I’m not getting?”
If you keep asking questions, you’ will get more aware of the hidden agendas that dictate where you are walking. Are you picking men just like your Dad, because if you can get them to love you, you can heal your past? Are you afraid of success, so you stop yourself before you get there? Perhaps you need to ask for a hand to get out of the hole. Another person can often see what we cannot because we are too close to the issue. That’s what coaching is for. Judging yourself is like falling into the hole and then pulling more dirt down on your head. If you keep using whatever comes up as a source of exploration, and be kind to yourself, one day you will walk down a different street.
