It’s not always flowers and candy

My inbox and Facebook feed today was full of people celebrating their mothers. Which makes me hyper aware that this is another one of those Hallmark created holidays that leaves many folks sad and depressed. Several of my friends have lost their mothers recently. Others have lost their children. Still more people have conflicted relationships with their mothers. This post is for you, if you would like a simple tool to change your relationship with your mother, your kids, or anyone, whether they are still in their body or not.

My relationship with my mother has been an up and down thing for our whole lives together. I could tell you all the stories, and the beliefs I made up based on what I thought those stories meant. But it wouldn’t be useful. Because they are all exactly that, STORIES. What if we only ever see effects, and then we decide on causes? You know, “I am this way because that happened”, and so on? My mother and I have also had projections and expectations and judgments of each other up the wazoo!

For better or worse, our mothers have a huge impact on who we become. We are either trying to be like them, or trying not to be like them. We are either buying into their vision of who we are, or dramatically trying to prove that we aren’t who they think.

I’m also a mother. Last summer, my youngest daughter stopped speaking to me because she was angry about her upbringing. I decided to give her that space and love her from a distance. It wasn’t always easy. My brain was torturing me. Were her judgments right? Was she struggling with something else that I needed to help her fight against? What was the “right” thing to do? I stayed the course and trusted the process.

How to change your relationships

You might notice that sometimes when we want to change a dynamic with someone, it is slow going. We get entrenched in certain patterns. We can’t make them change, we can only change ourselves, and sometimes that feels unattainable. I mean, mothers push every button. They installed them for Pete’s sake.

Last fall, I decided to actively seek to change my relationships with both my mother and my children. Access Consciousness® has a tool that is super easy to practice. You simply say ” Everything that is my relationship is with (fill in the name here) I destroy and uncreate it all.” and then you say the Clearing Statement good and bad, right and wrong, POD and POC, all 9, shorts, boys and beyonds. I’m not going to go into all of what this means here. You can get the full explanation from Dr. Dain Heer, one of the creators of Access HERE.

Basically, this simple sentence brings up the energy of limitation, and invites it to clear. You are asking for whatever is holding your old patterns in place to be destroyed so you can build something new. You might still have some of the old dynamic in place, but it will come from choice, rather than automatic pilot.

Does it work?

I can only tell you my experience. After doing this daily for several months on my mother, we had a breakthrough visit last month. In previous visits, I always had to stay with other people, because she didn’t want me as a house guest. Part of my shift was that I no longer took that news personally. It just was what it was. This time, I stayed with her, and she invited me to stay an extra day. Not only that, she is having. me back this month. And I want to go. I find I am in allowance of her foibles. She is kinder and more complimentary than in the past. It was a pleasure to be together, and I found myself in appreciation and gratitude for her contributions to the world and to me.

I also did the technique with both my kids. Recently, I spent a weekend with my oldest child that was the most fun we’ve ever had together. There was so much ease. And remember my youngest daughter who hasn’t spoken to me since June? I did the clearing on her every day, for 30 days and beyond. And then on Friday she called me. There is more to be dug into there, but the truth is, the relationship the way it had been shifted. Now there are open channels for communication and making a new relationship. She wants to come live with me for a while. I felt like I got an early Mother’s Day present.

If you do this and get results, let us know in the comments below.