This lovely tribute to women over forty has been circulating the internet for years, incorrectly attributed to Andy Rooney.  It was actually written by Frank Kaiser, the founder of a humor and blog website called Suddenly Senior. You have to love a website that allows you to adjust the fonts of the site with one click to make it larger.  They know their audience, and the jokes are cute.  Reproduced here for your enjoyment, and thank you Frank!

In Praise of Older Women

One of the perks of dufferdom is an increased capacity to appreciate people. Friends. Spouses. And, for me, women. All women.When I was 20, I had eyes only for girls my age. Any woman over 30 was ancient, over 40 invisible.

Today, now in my 70s, I still appreciate the 20-year-old for her youthful looks, vigor, and (occasional) sweet innocence.

But I equally enjoy women of my own age and beyond, and every age in between. I’ve learned that each has its own special wonders, attractions, magic and beauty.

As I grow in age, I value mature ladies most of all. Here are just a few of the reasons senior men sing the praises of older women:

An older woman knows how to smile with such brightness and truth, old men stagger.

An older woman will never ask out of the blue, “What are you thinking?” An older woman doesn’t care what you think.

An older woman has been around long enough to know who she is, what she wants, and from whom. By the age of 50, few women are wishy-washy. About anything. Thank God!

And yes, once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart! Her libido’s stronger.

Her fear of pregnancy’s gone.

Her appreciation of experienced lovemaking is honed and reciprocal.

And she’s lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to!)
Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you’re acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, fearing that you might think worse of her. An older woman doesn’t give a damn.

“If the Lord made anything better than a woman, He kept it for Himself.” — Jerry Lee Lewis

An older, single woman usually has had her fill of “meaningful relationships” and “long-term commitments.” Can’t relate? Can’t commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are sublime. They seldom contemplate having a shouting match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive dinner. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness. They’re generous with praise, often undeserved.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A young woman often snarls with distrust when “her guy” is with other women. Older women couldn’t care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. Like your mother, they always know.

Yes, we geezers praise older women for a multitude of reasons. These are but a few.

Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 75 there’s a bald, paunchy relic with his yellow pants belted at his armpits making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for my fellow geezers. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to enjoy and appreciate the exquisite woman you’ve become. Without the distraction of some demanding old coot clinging and whining his way into your serenity.

© Copyright 2000 — Frank Kaiser

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