Finding our Freedom to Choose

“I’ve knocked on a lot of doors in life and heard ‘no’. Now I want to go searching for my ‘yes’.”

During last night’s biweekly Being Social, I heard this statement tossed out offhandedly, and it resonated through me like a gong. Flashbacks of every rejection flickered by; Every missed connection and misunderstanding, every shrug, every time I was ignored or overlooked. How often do we knock on someone else’s door, wait on others’ permission, instead of searching for our own ‘yes’?

In the vein of the Femme Domme class series that Pleasure Evolution launched this past week, it seemed an appropriate time to talk about femme empowerment. It’s so incredibly important to recognize the ways that female-bodied people are often conditioned, growing up, to be complacent or conciliatory, obsequious, how we are pressured into doing extra emotional labor, sometimes without our consent. This same issue can be felt by femme-presenting nonbinary and trans people, and if that’s been your experience, why not take a moment and reflect on that?

When in your life have you silenced yourself, bitten your tongue on your own issues to deal with someone else’s? What would you have said or done, in those moments, if you’d felt empowered? If you’d given yourself room to express yourself, permission to do what was necessary for your own self care and happiness?

How might you have built yourself, defined yourself, without those cultural roadmaps? How might you still?

If you’re waiting for permission. . .

. . . Consider this your all-access-pass, golden ticket, sign from the universe, to stop waiting. As femmes, our silence does a disservice not only to ourselves, but to the wider community of femmes. We can inspire each other!

Start small. Identify one unspoken desire. Say it out loud, even if it’s alone in the dark. Say it in front of the mirror. Face yourself and your desires and speak them into existence. Your voice has power! It can be so freeing, so pure and honest, to release ourpent up needs, our unmet desires, into the air. You feel lighter, smoother, and suddenly there is empty space inside you to fill up with all the possibilities that confession might bring.

Then up the ante, tell someone you love about something you need that you’ve been lacking. We can never get what we want if we aren’t willing to communicate. Whether that’s insisting on a consistent lunch break to your director, confessing to your parents that you need them to stop calling every day, or just recognizing and accepting a particular kink you have – our capacity to grow is limited by how honest we’re able to be with ourselves and others.

Justice and Gender Equity are showing up as global issues that require massive global overhaul, which is why it’s so incredibly important to start small. Start with yourself. I promise, as someone who hears this all the time, when you give yourself permission to ask for what you need, you are also giving others implicit permission to do the same. Never underestimate how your freedom, your beauty, the force of nature that is your inner truth might positively affect the people around you.

And in the meantime, please check out upcoming classes and events on the Pleasure Evolution calendar, including Femme Domme, and The ongoing Women’s Coaching Group, The Steam Room! We would be so excited to see you soon.


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