BDSM (Bondage/Dominance/Sadism/Masochism) isn’t for everyone, but if you’re reading this article, odds are you’re curious or have already dabbled in it. Most people have a tendency towards either dominant or submissive appetites. Rather than spend half the article on definitions and boring facts that you can dig up anywhere online, I’d like to tell of my experiences. In this post, I’ll talk about some of the possible benefits of playing in the submissive role.
I’ll start with “Wallace”. This client was a high-powered investor who made six figure incomes into seven figure incomes. Any moment, a decision he made at work could make a fortune or cost someone their life savings. It was a pressure cooker of a job. Dozens of younger people surrounded him, just waiting for his eventual mistake so they could take his place. Many times, he did make mistakes that cost people money, but his job protected him legally. For most in his line of work, it was just numbers on a computer screen or a data sheet, but he saw it differently. He saw the hard work people put into their savings and knew they depended on him to make good choices so they were prepared for the future.
All of this added up to a great deal of pressure and control that Wallace had to maintain during his daily work routine and it was getting to him. He needed a release. He wanted to give up control for a short period, and he wanted punishment for his mistakes. Now I won’t go into the psychological symbolism, or delve into analytical dissection of his psyche. What I did offer him was release from stress and pressures.
Per our negotiations, Wallace was stripped and bound. He was helpless and unable to move. All control taken from him. He was at the mercy of another. This alone helped him relax and achieve a respite from the pressures of his job. An agreed upon punishment was then administered (40 lashes) and a verbal script was followed that gave him the closure he needed to alleviate guilt. With each strike of the lash he came down from his headspace and became more centered. At the end, he experienced an emotional release that was both cleansing and purifying.
The example of Wallace was very typical but there are as many different experiences of BDSM as there are people. In his case, the need fulfilled was one of relief and closure. Others may need BDSM to experience those things that they want, but don’t feel comfortable getting for themselves.
“Margaret” was a fifty-year-old widow that had experienced a sexual re-awakening after the loss of her husband. Her sex life with her husband had been one of routine and not very satisfying. With her exposure to the internet and the freedom to explore, she found a newfound lust that she was uncomfortable exploring. After negotiating what she wanted, Margaret was blindfolded and bound. She was able to experience pleasure because the act of being bound took the responsibility of it away from her.
For some, BDSM can be a release of responsibility, for others a chance to experience sensations and feelings in a controlled environment. Additional benefits will be discussed in the next article.
