Contrary to what you are thinking, this is not about the men I have married. Even though I have two husbands, or to be more precise, two ex-husbands, this post is a simple story of identifying a desire, and the creative discovery of a solution. I have been separated since last August. On some nights, I stretch out and luxuriate in having the whole queen-sized bed to myself. On others, I feel lonely. I remember that feeling of being able to reach out a foot and know someone else was there. Obviously, there are other perks of partnership that are not happening right now, but I’ll save those for another day. The point is, I miss having someone to snuggle with. I believe that we are not given a problem without also being given the answer. Instead of grieving my lack, I got busy manifesting desire!
On my bed, I have two husbands, those pillows shaped like a chair back, that allow you to sit up and read. I always used to put them on the floor when I closed my book and went to bed. Once I recognized the wish I had for more evening contact, I got the bright idea that I could lay them on the bed next to me. They add a weight to the bed that feels like someone else is sleeping there. If I put them under the covers, I can even throw my arm and leg across them and snuggle, (and not worry about morning breath!) Voila, I am sleeping more deeply and waking up happier. Full disclosure, I also miss having someone to say goodnight to, and debrief my day. To address that desire, I put out an e-mail to a list serve that I am on, looking for a goodnight buddy. I got several responses, and all unknowing, another friend I have just met has spontaneously started texting me to say goodnight. At a party last weekend, I surprisingly found myself in the middle of a huge cuddle pile with other new friends. I got feedback from other people on the list that they were touched and inspired that I was willing to share what I longed for. Loneliness, is not a requirement of the single life. I find in this culture, we put independence up on a shrine. I think having the courage to ask for and to give love is of a much higher value. Many of the needs we associate with romantic partnership, we are able to meet other ways, ensuring that when we do meet someone, we are not quite so desperate.
In what area of your life are you settling for less than you want? What need or desire is whispering to you, begging for fulfillment? You are not too busy, too broke, or too unworthy to have a life that feeds you in every minute. Here are some steps you can take to find your pleasure and fulfill it:
- Be honest with yourself about the places you feel a lack or absence
- Make a list of several ways you could meet that need (I find it good to be outrageous and not edit oneself here)
- Identify the top couple of ideas
- Take action
If you think you don’t have the money for what you want, where are some free places to get it? If you are afraid of being seen having a need, get a friend or ally to support you. If you want help in this arena from someone who really knows the territory, I’m available! My Fast Track to Pleasure Program is the perfect way to identify these needs and pleasures, and experience the support to have them be met. And for one week more, it is only $99. On February 5th, it is going up to it’s regular price of $197. Stop putting off pleasure. You are worth it.