Talking and Relating to Men

Oh, those Men. Our partners try to understand us, as we grapple to understand ourselves. Even when we think we have it all handled, someone comes along  and finds there are motivations deeper than we thought. In my 43 years of studying philosophy, psychology, and well, ME, I have a theory. There are at least three parts to a man, and I’d like to share my thoughts about that.

How Men Make Decisions?

Head –
I’m talking about the big one up top here.  This is where men do all their logical thinking.  If you’re a fan of a man’s logical thinking, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  It’s the part of him that fixes things around the house, or plays video games or knows all the stats of last year’s Super Bowl game.  This is that part that you engage when you want to buy something and he starts listing all the reason’s you can’t afford it, or shouldn’t.

Heart –
This is the part of the man that most lovers want to connect to. This is what swells with pride and joy at seeing something he’s accomplished.  This is the part that breaks when he finds himself alone on Valentine’s or New Year’s Day. This is the part you want opened up to you, to let you in and to make room for you. This is the part that gets you flowers and chocolate when you need it most, or just ’cause he thought of you.

Hard-on –

This is the part you see most often.  It drives his neck around when a tight ass or well toned body comes across his vision.  It’s the part that makes bad decisions, and buys porn at 3am online. It’s the part that sends dick pics and cock shots to everyone and anyone sometimes without asking.


Now that you know the three parts you can relate just about any action a man does from its motive source.  The trick, I think, is knowing which part you’re talking/relating to at a time.  If you’re trying to talk to a man that’s in his head, and you’re coming from the heart, it’ll be a challenge.  Same goes if a man is all Hard-on and you’re trying to appeal to his logical Head.

Getting Agreement

Now that you know about Head, Heart and Hard-on comes the difficult part.Getting agreement. Often times when a man is faced with a decision, he gets an immediate reaction from one of his three parts. Which one answers first and strongest depends entirely upon the individual, but usually a guy will go with his first thought.  And then like a bull dog, stick to it, even if it doesn’t pan out. Now, perhaps you’ve seen a guy struggle with a decision? Or make a decision that afterwards he seemed wholly unhappy with?

This is usually because his three parts are in disagreement.  When logic (Head) dictates action, but the Heart and Hard-on aren’t on board then there is emotional distress.  I often see this behavior in the workplace when a guy makes a decision that is financially sound, but he is neither excited about or feels is a good moral choice. In relationships this behavior is easy enough to spot.  When a man makes a decision from his Hard-on, despite his Head and Heart telling him it’s a bad choice, the guilt and fall out are immediate and sometimes overwhelming. Equally devastating, I’ve seen men make a decision from their Heart, with either opposing views or lack of interest from their Head and Hard-on.  Again, poor results.

Too often I see men not being true to themselves because of fear of rejection, judgement or loss.Get an agreement from Head, Heart and Hard-on and you will be 100% in line with your true desires.  Full agreement also means that the results of that choice are more likely to be beneficial to you and make your life better.  When it comes to your daily life, full agreement also means fully present.  Nothing is more distracting in a conversation than someone that isn’t.

Being fully aware of yourself and all your feelings, is essential to a successful and e,powered life.  Before making an important decision, ask all parts of you if they are in agreement.  Is this a logical choice? Is this something you’re emotional desiring? Do you have enthusiasm and ‘juice’ for this decision?  Only by aligning all parts of yourself can you hope to live a more conscious life and be your true authentic self.



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