I meet a lot of men at networking events. Many of them hear what I do and say, “Gosh I wish my wife would work with you. She just doesn’t seem to enjoy our sex life. ” When I ask them to tell me more, they say, she doesn’t believe me when I tell her how sexy and beautiful she is. Ladies, are you listening? Men love women. They want us. They don’t see the flaws we do when we look in the mirror, and even if they do, they don’t see why this should stand in the way of some perfectly good action in the bedroom. The next question the men often ask is “How can I get her to work with you?” The bad news is, you really can’t. As soon as a man suggests it, the woman will get all bristly, because she thinks he finds her inadequate. I certainly would.
These men are longing for the connection they feel when they have sex with their partner. More than that, they want us to enjoy it too, because it’s no fun making love to someone who’s just going through the motions. I was one of those women. I made love when I didn’t feel like it because a) it was his birthday, b) we hadn’t done it in a while, c) we hadn’t done it in forever, or d) because I was afraid he’d cheat or leave if I didn’t put out. It wasn’t always a drag, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as it could be, and I think he could tell. The more I was disengaged, the more he would ask for sex. Is this sounding familiar? He kept coming back, hoping for a really fun time where he got to feel like a hero for making me writhe with passion. There’s a reason they call it scoring. Men keep score of their achievements, and making a woman orgasm earns big points.
Why don’t women show up for sex, especially when they seemed to like it in the beginning? Here’s what men don’t know. The female psyche can’t compartmentalize in the same the masculine does. All the unfinished tasks and conversations are competing for our attention. Your wife probably has a bunch of very valid reasons why she isn’t interested in sex right now, including feeling overwhelmed, tired, angry at you, angry at herself, low self-esteem about her body. I could go on. George Carlin says men are clueless, and women are angry, and the reason women are angry is that men are clueless.
The good news is, men, you can get a clue. The resistance to pleasure is not an argument a woman wants to win. You can help her surrender to what she already wants (which is connection with you, AND sensual gratification). The first step is to let her off the hook. She probably already feels responsible for your happiness, and your orgasms. And this competes for her bandwidth with the kids needs, the jobs demands, and heaven forbid, a dirty house. Every dish in the sink is an accusation, highlighting how she is failing to measure up to “the Woman who has it all.” When you accept her no with grace, you leave room for her eventual yes. Secondly, see what you can take off her plate. If she is worried about the kids, you arrange for the babysitter on date night. You can be the Hero, a man who shows up in a way that elicits a woman’s surrender, love and passion. If you are such a man, I am now offering my Sex and Sensuality Coaching one-on-one to you. What better way to create happy women and productive relationships than to help the men become the winners and providers they naturally want to be? Even if you aren’t in a relationship yet, you can use my services to help you find a lit-up turned on woman of your own.
Call me today at 828-348-4925 to schedule your a get acquainted session, women, men and couples eligible. Or visit my calendar to book online