Read more ...
T’is the season of gratitude, so I thought I would add an acknowledgment that also answers the question, how did you get started as a sex and intimacy coach?
I’m grateful today to Andes Bell, who was the Dean of the Creative Arts Department during my studies at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. I was in a workshop with her where I had to sing in front of the class. And suddenly she said, “I see you. You’re a Sacred Prostitute.” It seemed to come out of the blue, even though I had a reputation for being forthright and very earthy. But something inside me went PING!
Are you a natural-born people pleaser? I am. I just realized that I was traumatized by the birth of my sister when I was three years old. suddenly, I was no longer the center of attention. Not only did this usurper come along, but we moved to a new apartment which meant my bed got moved out of my parents room and into a space all by myself. Abandonment!! My response to this apparently was to devote myself to the baby’s needs. All she had to do was grunt and point and I was running. I was going to be a very good girl, in order to earn back the love my child mind felt was lost to my sister. Is it any wonder that I am always trying to live up to some impossible standards now? That all my loved ones need to do is grunt and point, and I run, Pavlovian, to fulfill the need?
To be fair to myself, I am a recovering People Pleaser. I am getting more confident in my ability to say no (and an authentic yes) every day. I have learned to listen to my body, and trust the answers I get. So much of having a happy, healthy sex life revolves around knowing our boundaries. When I work with my clients, I always tell them,
Sometimes, I’ll meet someone new and they’ll say, “Oh what you do is so fantastic. A lot of people need to get more in touch with their sensuality.” Then I will say, “How’s your sex life?” and they will look totally shocked. I understand. We are accustomed to small talk, with most people. Our sex lives, we feel, are private. Nobody’s business. But what happens when the sex isn’t working? What are we to do when we want things in the bedroom and don’t know how to ask for them? How about those of you who want more or less sex than your partner, and the arguments about this leave you both scarred and angry? How long can you keep silent, enduring the discomfort of unfulfilled longing, or the fear of losing your partner because you can’t figure out how to resolve this yourselves?
Copyright © 2014 Rebekah Beneteau. All rights reserved.
Branding and design by Brandweaver.