Posts Tagged ‘intimacy’

Why We Need a Consent Culture

What is Consent Culture?

A He Says – She Says Post

Rebekah says – Recently, I have either been the victim of, or a witness to, several “violations of consent.” In case you have never heard this term, it refers to an incident of touching another person without receiving their agreement to be touched. In most BDSM clubs and communities, consent is a requirement. In our events and especially our play parties, touching someone without their consent is grounds for being ejected.

First of all, why is this even an issue? You don’t touch other people’s things is one of those rules drummed into us from very early childhood. Every toddler has at one time been told this as they grabbed for the crystal candy dish at Grandma’s house. People’s bodies should carry an even stricter proviso. And yet there is a sense of entitlement to touching other people. We seek the comfort of physical connection, so we touch first, without thinking of what the other person may want. Pregnant women experience this, that somehow that belly goes into the public domain. In other situations, hugging is expected when greeting and leave taking. In best case scenarios, consent is at least sought non-verbally. if you don’t want to be hugged, I encourage you to say, “I’m not feeling like a hug right now. Thanks.” remember that no is a complete sentence.

No is a complete sentence. Click To Tweet

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Before You Give Up on Your Marriage – Try This

Saving Your Marriage 101

I love the Gottman Institute. Dr.’s John and Julie Gottman have made a lifetime study of marriage, and developed an approach that supports and repairs troubled relationships and strengthens happy ones. Their blog is always informative.

In a recent post, they listed 10 things to try before giving up on your marriage. The first and last three have to do with handling conflict in constructive rather than destructive ways. Numbers 4 – 7  are:

  • Boost up physical affection
  • Nurture fondness and admiration
  • Spend time together daily and
  • Communicate honestly about key issues in the relationship

This is what we teach at Pleasure Evolution. We believe that a strong intimate connection strengthens your relationship. Not only that, the lack of good sex can be the underlying cause of conflict. Victor Baranco of Lafayette Morehouse used to say couples were either “f*$#ing or fighting.” Energy that gets stirred up in us through plain old daily living, has to go somewhere. Sexual intimacy is a key issue that often gets relegated to the back burner. Even when a couple is communicating about other things, our bedroom life seems either too big or too small to mention. Our erotic identities are so often shamed by cultural and religious upbringing. It can feel super vulnerable to let our partner know what arouses us. Especially if that something is new to us. Honestly, there is nothing new about sex in all its forms. If you are isolated, it’s easy to feel that you are the ONLY one who likes something. Believe us when we tell you, you aren’t.

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Asheville, NC
(828) 348-4925


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