I love the Gottman Institute. Dr.’s John and Julie Gottman have made a lifetime study of marriage, and developed an approach that supports and repairs troubled relationships and strengthens happy ones. Their blog is always informative.
In a recent post, they listed 10 things to try before giving up on your marriage. The first and last three have to do with handling conflict in constructive rather than destructive ways. Numbers 4 – 7 are:
This is what we teach at Pleasure Evolution. We believe that a strong intimate connection strengthens your relationship. Not only that, the lack of good sex can be the underlying cause of conflict. Victor Baranco of Lafayette Morehouse used to say couples were either “f*$#ing or fighting.” Energy that gets stirred up in us through plain old daily living, has to go somewhere. Sexual intimacy is a key issue that often gets relegated to the back burner. Even when a couple is communicating about other things, our bedroom life seems either too big or too small to mention. Our erotic identities are so often shamed by cultural and religious upbringing. It can feel super vulnerable to let our partner know what arouses us. Especially if that something is new to us. Honestly, there is nothing new about sex in all its forms. If you are isolated, it’s easy to feel that you are the ONLY one who likes something. Believe us when we tell you, you aren’t.
According to some theories, BDSM has been around since the 9th century BC. Art from a 6th century BC burial site in what is now Italy was found depicting two men whipping a woman while having intercourse with her. Apparently threesomes are as old as dirt too.
Let’s say your relationship is needing a boost. If it’s stagnant, or even good but routine, there is always more and better available. The Gottman post gave us the what, let’s look at some how.
Need help with any of these steps? We are here for you. Read our blog posts and articles. Consider a class, webinar, coaching, or the Partners in Paradise Retreat.
It takes a village to raise a couple. Thanks for being part of our loving, sex-positive tribe.
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