Am I lovable?
Obviously, this is typical ground for a relationship coach to travel. My clients come to me because they want to express more of their sexuality, or they want to find a partner who is going to give them the kind of love they desire. Couples come because they want more connection, or a different kind of sex than what they’ve been used to. And the number one question is, “Can I find the love I am looking for?”
And we are all (I include myself in this) looking for love outside of ourselves. Now, I’m not going to give you the rap that you have to enjoy being single. No way. Our DNA, our biology, yearns to perpetuate the species. We want to bond, we want to have sex (even if it’s not just for baby making anymore). I’m saying, there is a better way to get into relationships in the first place. There’s an old saying that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love. I have seen this happen, so it appears true to me. Also, in both cases, there is an exchange. Again, looking for the love outside of ourselves. Giving one thing and hoping to get something back.
One of my mentors, Vic Baranco used to say “People get married and divorced for the same reason. Loneliness.” I think it’s actually the core reason most people come to me. They want to put an end to feeling alone. So this idea of giving the love we want to get is on my mind. And I’m realizing that the only way out of the true trap of loneliness is by giving it to ourselves.People get married and divorced for the same reason. Loneliness. - Vic Baranco Click To Tweet
As my recent lovership of almost three years is transitioning, I’m looking at who I have been in that partnership, and others. Although it is tempting to look at who they were, and what they did, it’s way more productive and healthy IMHO to see things I did. There are some that I want to keep doing, and things I don’t. For example, I often cooked better meals when we were together. I wore the pretty underwear if there was a chance they’d get seen. One of my super powers is believing the best in people and drawing that out. I am good at making people see how special they are. In relationships, I waited for compliments to come from my man, and when they didn’t, I doubted myself. I have a ton of love to give. When I’m in relationship, that guy or gal gets the lion’s share of it. Outside of relationship, I don’t have to be loveless, because I can share this appreciation, warmth and goodwill with everyone, starting with myself.
Now, I cook delicious meals for myself. I wear whatever underwear I feel like. I look in the mirror every day and tell myself how beautiful I am, and I believe it. When I touch myself, I tell myself how great it feels. Yes, porn star dialogue can really add to masturbation!
So many people are walking around in this scarcity of love, because we are all looking for it in the wrong places. We are begging someone else to notice how amazing we are so we can see ourselves in their reflection. I was raised to be humble so others wouldn’t be jealous. SCREW IT! At every Being Social, we encourage you to brag. I am amazing.
You are amazing. No one else needs to notice it. And here’s the irony. When you notice it, everyone else will too.You are amazing. No one else needs to notice it. And here's the irony. When you notice it, everyone else will too. - Rebekah Beneteau Click To Tweet
Check out my recent videos, where I rap unscripted on this and other topics. Are you ready to fall in love with yourself and have your life reflect that? I’d love to talk to you about intimacy coaching. It all starts with you.