It was almost exactly two years ago. . .
that I moved to Asheville, NC. We knew only two people who lived here, one of my ex-lovers and my business coach. I arrived with my husband Marc, my two daughters, Ariana and Mariah, and my puppy, Pandora. The marriage didn’t even make it off the moving van; he and his stuff moved immediately into a different household, and finally the divorce papers are in hand for my review and signature. Mariah moved back to New York in December of 2014 and is thriving there as a newly enrolled herbalism student, and coffee barrista. On August 4th, Ariana moved back to New York to live with family and pursue her dreams of becoming a hairdresser, and clothing designer, and forging a closer relationship with her Dad.
Today. . .
I tried taking Pandora to Brother Wolf to be rehomed. After seven months of seeking and failing to find permanent pet-friendly housing, Spirit, convinced me it is time for her to have a new family. There were so many feelings, grief, regret, relief, excitement. These are the same feelings I have had each time I let one of my family move on with their lives. Except for some belongings (most of which are in storage), she is the last external piece of what I came here with. My thought was, “All that’s left is Me.” I didn’t realize that they have a waiting list to take dogs in. And so she is with me a few days, or weeks, more? Maybe spirit just wanted to see if I would do it. Not to be grandiose, but it’s kind of like the story of Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son Isaac.
Asheville is like a centrifuge. . .
it will spin away everything you no longer need and distill you down to your purest self. Many people can’t stand the intensity. It’s surely not for everyone. I sometimes hold on to things and situations longer than other people (or even myself) think I should. I like to think I hang on until I am really ready to do something else. I like to think that I move when Spirit moves me; it isn’t procrastination, it’s waiting for the perfect time for the highest good of all concerned.
And now for something completely different. . .
ME. As I let go of the relationships, people, things and ego identifications, I can feel myself becoming something new, something amazing. Although there is a reason they call them growing pains, I am more at peace now that I have let go. When I was when I was holding on it was all struggle and confusion. Now, it feels more like mystery and opportunity.I couldn’t have gotten to this place without my meditation practice, journaling, and good friends who love me, help me out, and let me process out loud. You know who you are, and thank you.