Margaret was a single woman in her late forties who came to me for sex coaching. She had been without a partner for several years, and she wanted to meet someone, but she was afraid of what she was bringing into the bedroom, an inability to come in any way except with a vibrator. She is not alone. The internet is full of women asking the question, “Am I desensitizing my clitoris by using a vibrator?” “I can’t come anymore without a vibrator, what do I do?” is the most commonly asked question by women in my practice. Some people only think of female masturbation as toy use.
In a recent study of 3000 women, 53% of women reported having used a vibrator (1), and the study concluded that there were many health benefits to the practice, including easier and more intense orgasms. The secret no one is talking about is the anecdotal evidence. Many (but not all) women who use vibrators are noticing a decreased ability to come with a partner from manual or oral stimulation, and definitely not from vaginal penetration. So is clitoral desensitzation a reality? And if it is, what’s a girl to do?
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Spoiler alert: this post contains graphic language and a description of male masturbation technique
Edging is the process of approaching the point of orgasm or ejaculation and then intentionally stopping sexual stimulation in order to delay the moment of climax. To be candid, it’s masturbating to just short of cumming and then stopping.
If you’ve never heard of this practice then right now you’re wondering “What?! Why would I stop short of cumming?” The purpose of edging is to build up to the climax; thereby making the orgasm more intense and satisfying. Does it work? After an exhaustive search, I could find no evidence made by scientific inquiry regarding edging. The anecdotal evidence however is positive as to the effects of edging.
Springtime! Love is in the air! Energy is abundant. The animal kingdom is in rut and if you’ve not felt the least bit more alive and/or horny see a doctor and have your pulse checked. This is a great time to allow your sexuality to flower. What desires have you had on the back burner, that you can allow to Spring to life?
During our recent trip to Frolicon 2015 in Atlanta, Trevor and I attended a panel called Polyamory 202, in which the presenter outlined some of the issues that crop in “long-term” poly relationships. Although she had good things to say about all the usual topics of time, jealousy and compersion, I was sorry not to hear a discussion about sex in poly relationships.
Not one to wait for someone else, I thought I would start the conversation. Poly relationships can be a mixed bag when it comes to sex. On the one hand, you have the opportunity to get sexual and sensual needs met by more than one partner. If you enjoy something alternative that one partner doesn’t, for example kink, you can get that need met by one person, and have your needs for sweet slow sex met by another. Obviously, the sex is going to be different with each of your partners, and if you have multiple lovers, the possibility exists that you will get more sex than you might if you only had one. Or not.
In my last posting I described some of the benefits of BDSM as a part of your sexual bag of tricks.
In this article, I’d like to specifically address the advantages of seeking a professional, experienced coach in your journey to sexual awakening.
Primarily, the greatest advantage is safety. While sex has its inherent dangers, BDSM brings a host of additional concerns. Like any adventure, you want to be well versed in the use of new equipment so that you can get the most joy out of it. You’ll want to learn proper use and care for kink equipment so that it lasts. And with so many different kinks, having a guide to take you through them can make the overwhelming choices much more fun to navigate.
Let’s talk about safety…
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