Pleasure Evolution produces many social events, including Sensuality Circles and Play Parties. For a description of a Play Party, check out our previous article HERE. Whenever a sensual or sexual event is announced, we are often asked “What is the gender balance?”.
A majority of the time this question is asked by heterosexual men, and occasionally by women. Almost unanimously, this isn’t the real question they want answered. What women really want to know is “Will I be safe? Will I be expected to play or interact with people I don’t want to?” Why do the men ask this question? They are trying to guess their chances at getting what they want, which is attention from women, particularly sexual attention from women. It all boils down to the real question. . .
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There has long been a prejudice in the media that young is hotter. Young bodies, and youthful faces grace all our advertising. The truth is, hot is a matter of opinion. Sex at every age has it’s advantages. As Woody Allen once said, “I never met an orgasm I didn’t like.”
This is the time when you usually have gravity, stamina and a lack of physical encumbrances on your side. Your teenaged awkwardness has subsided. You don’t have kids yet, or a mortgage to worry about. Unfortunately, you are also still learning about how to meet the opposite sex, and how to communicate. Men in their twenties are driven by LET’S GET IT ON testosterone, while women of that age group are more motivated by vasopressin,”the cuddle hormone.”
Trevor was recently quoted in a fun online article about why sex is better in your thirties than in your twenties. He mentioned that by your thirties, you have some skills and signature moves. You also have a better sense of what you like and you don’t, and hopefully, the voice to ask for what you want. Many people begin to settle into committed relationships in their thirties, and while parenting takes it’s toll, there is also something hot about making love to a person you know well. Read the whole article here.
I spent this weekend celebrating the summer Solstice on a beautiful property outside Asheville. To those that find their spirituality in connection to nature, the equinoxes and solstices have special significance. We gathered around a fire On Saturday night and invoked the directions, deities, angels and ancestors that had meaning for us. We celebrated the turning of the earth, and the warmth of the sun that nourishes our seeds (and our plans) so that we may harvest in the fall. The invitation now is to be active, outward bound and DOING, as opposed to the winter time of contemplation and patience. Now is the time to tend your garden.
So why is this post called permission to be naked?
Margaret was a single woman in her late forties who came to me for sex coaching. She had been without a partner for several years, and she wanted to meet someone, but she was afraid of what she was bringing into the bedroom, an inability to come in any way except with a vibrator. She is not alone. The internet is full of women asking the question, “Am I desensitizing my clitoris by using a vibrator?” “I can’t come anymore without a vibrator, what do I do?” is the most commonly asked question by women in my practice. Some people only think of female masturbation as toy use.
In a recent study of 3000 women, 53% of women reported having used a vibrator (1), and the study concluded that there were many health benefits to the practice, including easier and more intense orgasms. The secret no one is talking about is the anecdotal evidence. Many (but not all) women who use vibrators are noticing a decreased ability to come with a partner from manual or oral stimulation, and definitely not from vaginal penetration. So is clitoral desensitzation a reality? And if it is, what’s a girl to do?
Spoiler alert: this post contains graphic language and a description of male masturbation technique
Edging is the process of approaching the point of orgasm or ejaculation and then intentionally stopping sexual stimulation in order to delay the moment of climax. To be candid, it’s masturbating to just short of cumming and then stopping.
If you’ve never heard of this practice then right now you’re wondering “What?! Why would I stop short of cumming?” The purpose of edging is to build up to the climax; thereby making the orgasm more intense and satisfying. Does it work? After an exhaustive search, I could find no evidence made by scientific inquiry regarding edging. The anecdotal evidence however is positive as to the effects of edging.
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