Watch out world, we have figured out how to use Facebook Live! Here are a few minutes on why being in relationship is challenging, and how to communicate when it is.
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Today is International Whores Day. This is not to be confused with International Sex Workers Rights Day (March 3) which is more commonly celebrated in North America. International Sex Worker Day was established in 1975 following a protest staged by 100 prostitutes in Lyon, France. The women occupied a church to bring attention to their exploitative living conditions and brutality at the hands of police. After an 8 day sit-in, the police stormed and cleared the building. The action sparked a national movement that spread through Europe and then the rest of the globe. While not exactly fodder for backyard barbecues, the holiday is meant to bring awareness to a human rights issues. The right of people to express themselves sexually, and the right to work at a job of one’s choosing free from the arbitrary moral judgments of those in power. Sex workers are often subjected to violence that because of their professions, they have no recourse to prosecute. They are affected by housing discrimination, and lack of access to healthcare and other protections.
For those not familiar with the convention, Frolicon: The Naughty Side of Paradise, it is a kink convention held each Spring in Atlanta, GA. Imagine 2500 individuals with a diversity of interests in alternative sexuality and lifestyle taking over a swanky hotel. Ranging from curious to experienced, they look like any other professional convention except that it is not unusual to see people in corsets, wings, latex, or furry costumes. Some people are naked or proudly sporting bruises, brands and piercings. They are all genders and no gender, and every stripe on the relatiolnship and orientation spectrum. For three days, there are classes, and entertainment, and discussion groups or panels. Vendors sell everything from books to electric stim kits. It’s adult fun on many levels, and Pleasure Evolution was thrilled to be invited back this year to teach. Last year we held a Being Social and taught one class. This year we held a Being Social and taught 3 classes. It was fantastic fun!
We had the chance to not only meet some great people, but to hear and interact with other professionals and presenters that were there. If you’ve never been and are curious about kink and lifestyle experiences, we highly recommend it. Classes ranged from How To on everything from rope to pole dancing, to discussions on how be a trans ally or how to get your book published.
One of the most common goals that our clients have is “to be able to communicate my desires to my partner.” Helping people find their voice is something we are passionate about. Why? Because we’ve been there. We both were in long-term relationships where we found it hard to ask for what we wanted, and even when we did, we often didn’t get it.
This could be a whole article in itself. To bottom line is, there are lots of reasons why it’s hard to ask for what we want, such as:
I’m just going to address number 5 today, the How.
How Can We Ask for What We Want. . . and Get It?
This is a very common complaint from clients. The men want to “make” their woman cum from f#*king. The women think they should be able to orgasm from penetration. (All those movies can’t be wrong, right? Not even talking about porn here. Every Hollywood movie has people flinging off their clothes, doing it up against the wall, and leaving her a satisfied puddle) Let’s set the record straight. This is the cosmic irony of sex. A man puts his most sensitive part, the penis containing 4,000 nerve endings designed to register touch, into the woman’s least sensitive part. That’s right, the vaginal canal has only a few nerve endings, and these are receptors for temperature and pressure, but not pleasure. By contrast, the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and the anus has 3000, all designed to register touch.
The other morning, Trevor sank deep inside me with a groan, eyes closing. A hidden struggle was going on within him. “Every time, I keep hoping it won’t be this intense.” What?” I asked. “The pleasure…when it’s with someone I love.” I was so touched to hear that. And it got me thinking. We aren’t alone. For most couples during intercourse she is trying desperately to feel everything, in an attempt to achieve orgasm. He is trying to feel LESS to avoid having an orgasm first and ending the encounter. He is avoiding pleasure and trying to help her orgasm, and risks getting less and less present to her and the moment. The more turned on she gets, the harder it gets for him to stay detached. As a woman, I feel trapped in this bind, if I really give in to my pleasure, will he get too excited? Will it end before I am halfway there? But minimizing the pleasure is a no-win for everyone.
Why Some Women Orgasm From Intercourse
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