The Agony and the Ecstasy

I haven’t wriGoliath-roller-coastertten much lately.  I’ve been sad. My nine-year relationship (seven years married) abruptly ended this summer, gradually morphing into a friendship/business relationship. Although my mind knows that it is for the best, my emotional body has had other ideas. So I let myself grieve and cry.  Seriously, would I want to be a person who walked away from someone they once loved with all their heart with NO feelings? Lots of people around me are in transition right now, particularly around their relationships. The question I’ve been pondering is, what is the role of pleasure when your overriding feeling is grief?  Or anger, or hopelessness?  The answer I’ve come up with is that when you get into agreement with the feelings themselves, there is pleasure, even in what we usually call “negative” feelings.  I used to numb out, with food, drugs, alcohol, shopping.  Today I can celebrate my ability to feel all my feelings.  As low as you can go into the more painful feelings is how great your capacity to experience the more joyful ones.  I can sob in brokenness, and I can exult in ecstasy.  Would you trade the extremes for feeling middle of the road all the time? 

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Where’s the joy?

I have a friend who was complaining that her last family vacation was challenging. They had planned the camping trip with great expectation, and then she got to the reality of child wrangling, cooking in the great outdoors, insects etc.  She said in desperation, “where is the joy?” The things she thought would make her happy, weren’t fulfilling her.  She was planning things that SHOULD be fun, why weren’t they?

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The dog ate my homework

Well, not exactly.  She ate my book bag, destroying the hardware on the strap of my very nice, cushioned laptop carrier.

You see, she wanted to go outside, and I was on “a very important conference call,” so I ignored her. Hey, at least she didn’t pee on the rug!  Pets and kids are very good at letting their needs and wants be known.  They don’t have the filter that tells them it isn’t polite, or that what they want is unnecessary or frivolous.  They also refuse to be ignored.

Adults have a ways to go in acknowledging our own desires. And women? We are often so busy putting everyone else first, we have forgotten what it feels like to yearn for something. Have you ever noticed how ignoring a small child just causes them to up the anti? 

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Pleasure Evolution – Desire as a Woman’s Path to Empowerment

So excited.  I have been in the throes of a major business upgrade and I am having a ball! More news including a new name and a brand new website are coming soon.  In the meantime, I’ve gotten more and more clear on what I love to do, and what I have to offer. I had a turning point back when I was studying at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. I had a husband and a beautiful child.  I was pursuing the career I had dreamt of, and I still wasn’t fulfilled.  I knew there was something more to life. I embarked on a quest into my sensuality. I’m not talking just about sex, although that is a big part of it.  I’m talking about enjoying the stimuli of my senses. I began to orient my life around responsible pleasure.  I learned how to make pleasure my standard that I measured all actions by.  Not success, not progress, but the notion of “does this please me”?

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Celebrating the Goddess and the Hero

This past weekend, I was at the lovely wedding of John and my former housemate Mary. The ceremony was Quaker style, which meant that the attendees were invited to sit in silence until spirit moved someone, who would then stand up and offer a blessing to the newly joined couple. My blessing is so central to my beliefs about men and women, that I decided I would paraphrase it here. (It will probably sound a little more polished than the actual thing that came out spontaneously.)

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