Dispelling Love Myths Day 3 – Love takes time and others

Infinite_loveIf you are just tuning in, I’ve been writing for the last couple of days on the what I call The Love Myths.  These are so culturally ingrained, we don’t even realize that these beliefs are running our lives. If Love is  a choice we make, and NOT something we fall into, awareness of our underlying operating system is going to be a big help. Today’s principle Love is Not Time Bound, actually addresses a whole slew of myths. Do you believe any of the following?

Love takes time to grow
Love is for the young
Love wanes over time
Love disappears when you lose touch

I’ll address these all, actually in reverse order,because I think the first one is the most deeply rooted. I recently had the opportunity to reconnect with my best friend from high school after a lapse of 19 years. H and I were wild girls together, partying at Studio 54, riding home in limos, challenging each other to lose our virginity. (I won, I’ve always been hyper competitive). After I went away to college, we grew apart. After I stopped being a wild party girl, I particularly distanced myself, because I didn’t want to be reminded of some of the darker days that came with that lifestyle. On Christmas day, we reunited over brunch on the Upper West Side of NY. It was as if no time had passed.  We talked freely, and for hours, with the comfort of being close friends who knew each others’ souls.Love is not time bound. Once I have loved you, I will love you forever, even though it may look different.

Which leads us to the next myth, that love wanes. I’m having this radical idea that there is not more love, or less love that we can feel for someone. There’s just Love. You might have more desire and willingness to express it at times. You might be really hurt, or angry and that can mask the love. If love is a choice, you can decide that you love someone, and practice the skills of loving (that I’ll get to in a few days). If love is waning, it’s because you’ve lost your commitment. Lust wanes. The endorphin rush that accompanies new love wanes.  But your capacity to feel loving never wanes.  My relationship with first husband was  a challenge, after he left even more so. But I can still find reasons to love him, including the fact that he gave me two gorgeous daughters, and he left me in a good place to move on with my life.  I think he loves me too, and to the best of his ability, seeks to meet my needs as a co-parent.

Love is only for the young? 

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Day Two – Dispelling Love Myths: Love is expensive

gift_box-2 Yesterday, I started this series to get people thinking about how much more love would be available if we practiced some simple principles and skills of loving. If you missed that post, you can read it here. Today’s myth? That Love is expensive.  We believe its something we earn.  We have beliefs that we must be good to be  loveable. Often, we shy away from love, because the price tag looks too high.  We have the idea that romantic love will require sacrifices of who we really are. And often it does. Who hasn’t kept themselves small, or kept their mouth shut, in order not to rock the boat? Who hasn’t withheld love when a lover, friend or child has failed to make the grade?

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Dispelling the Love Myths

It is our most pervasive myth: love is something you fall into. You are going along your daily life and BOOM, there she was just a walking down the street! I saw him standing there, and I knew. Cue the soundtrack! We have come to believe in chemistry, and kismet, and that we fall in love, like it was a camouflaged hole that we stumbled upon. The problem with this theory is that we also fall out of love. And then there is all the disappointment, and fingerpointing, and ultimately, we amputate that person from our lives, because the love wasn’t perfect.

Second myth?  The idea that we are unloved, until someone comes along with candy and roses. We are so blinded by the desire to be special to one person, that we miss all the instances of love surrounding us. Many of us are dying of thirst, as we stand in the middle of a lake. As Valentine’s Day approaches, I want to start debunking the myth of romantic love, and instill in its’ place the consciousness that Love is something we are. Love is something we give.  Love is something we do.

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A tale of two husbands

husbands

Contrary to what you are thinking, this is not about the men I have married.  Even though I have two husbands, or to be more precise, two ex-husbands, this post is a simple story of identifying a desire, and the creative discovery of a solution. I have been separated since last August.  On some nights, I stretch out and luxuriate in having the whole queen-sized bed to myself. On others, I feel lonely.  I remember that feeling of being able to reach out a foot and know someone else was there. Obviously, there are other perks of partnership that are not happening right now, but I’ll save those for another day. The point is, I miss having someone to snuggle with. I believe that we are not given a problem without also being given the answer. Instead of grieving my lack, I got busy manifesting desire!

On my bed, I have two husbands,

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Play in the face of adversity

keep-calm-and-party-on-8530I recently watched a Esther Hicks where she channeled her guides Abraham saying, “We don’t care if you get what you want or you don’t.  We party anyway.” I’ve always been a lemonade out of lemons sort of person.  My dad used to say that I could walk into a room full of shit, and I’d go looking for the pony. Lately, when things haven’t been going “my way”,” I’ve been panicked.  I’ve been working harder, and trying to force solutions.  This is not the pleasure goddess way, and it certainly wasn’t working!

In this last week, I’ve developed new strategy.  Put my energy into making sure that my mood is upbeat.  Nothing is as important as guaranteeing that my vibration, as Abraham would call it, is high. This is not so easy as it sounds. There are lots of practices for shifting one’s mental state, and I particularly like the book Ask and It is Given. This is not an argument for putting one’s head in the sand.  Rather it is an acknowledgment that when I am calm, and happy, I am more functional.  I get things done.  I am open to receiving inspiration and insights, and I’m magnetic to the help I need to get through any situation.  At the same time, there are things I need to release, because they no longer serve me.  Obligations that I have taken on that drag me down, and people who leave me feeling worse rather than better have to go. Remaining positive requires constant vigilance to the small subtle things that pollute our mental space.

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