What Relationships Mean to Women

What Women Really Want

I was thinking the other day that it may be God’s cosmic joke to make men and women relate to one another, and then put within us such a different set of longings. Women yearn for connection. Men long for freedom.

How Men and Women Are Different

Will he be a dream or a dud?

Will he be a dream or a dud?

Women judge themselves by their relationships, and their attractiveness. Men judge themselves by their production. No matter how hard we might try to give our children different values, they absorb it anyway. When I was a kid, one of the hottest games around was called Mystery Date. And this was during the 70’s, birth of the Women’s Movement. In the game, you would go around the board collecting cards, which were the accoutrements for different kinds of dates.  Snorkel gear for the beach. Fancy dress and jewels for the prom. Maybe shorts and basket for a picnic? Periodically, you would land on the special square that allowed you to open the “door” which randomly generated a guy dressed for a certain kind of date. If you had all the right paraphernalia, you won! And one of the guys was a dud, your typical nerd. Of course the joke was on us, that was the guy who became Bill Gates. They still make the game, only now the door is replaced by a cell phone!

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G-d chimes in on Desire

Wondering why I am so passionate about helping women connect to their desires?  Check out these words of wisdom that arrived in my inbox this morning from the author of Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch, and then continue reading below to hear how you can join me for The Desire Course for Women in Asheville starting next Friday!

Me and Neale at The Messenger Summit, San Diego 2012

Me and Neale at The Messenger Summit, San Diego 2012

On this day of your life,
rebekah, I believe God wants you to know…
…that desire is a powerful force that can be used to
make things happen.Marcia Weider said that, and she was right. Yet do
not confuse desire with expectation, or with need.
Desire has an entirely different quality to it. You can
desire something without needing or requiring it.

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Fighting the demons that block desire

“Are you willing to go deeper than you have ever gone, in order to rise higher than you have ever been?” Christine Kane asked from the stage at Uplevel Your Business in Atlanta, last June.  Caught up in the excitement of the group, and inspired by Christine’s authenticity and personal success, I was.  “I’m In!” I shouted along with the crowd. Little did I know what going deeper than you’ve ever gone would look like. Nobody warned me that I would have to be willing to confront and begin to heal every belief and behavior I held that stood in the way of my becoming a successful entrepreneur/change agent/Pleasure Evolutionary.

So what is this doing in a blog about pleasure, love, sex and relationships?  Well, besides being a shameless plug for Christine Kane, who is now my Business Coach, the journey of becoming a gratified and radiant woman is exactly the same. As soon as you set your intention to get more pleasure, every reason not to will start to come up.  What might you find when you go deeper than you’ve ever gone before?

deep into the darkness







Here are a few of the beliefs I’ve identified:

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Skills of Better Loving – Fulfilling Needs

These are the Skills and Principles for Having a Happy Life It’s Valentine’s Day.  The official day that Hallmark and florists make a ton of money because people become willing to share what is in their hearts. What if every day could be like Valentine’s Day? What would it take for us to be willing to express love and appreciation every day?  And while candy and flowers are certainly nice, what do the people in your life really need from you?  What do you need from them?  This is the substance of the last skill of Jerry Jud’s Principles and Skills of Loving.  He wrote “Love is a response to need.  If you let me know what your needs are, within the limits of my value system, I will not run away.  I will be there for you.” The skill is to be able to say, “I will stay in the conversation.”

I think the key to this one is humility.  Love doesn’t work if one person is seen as needy and the other person sees themselves as helping to heal them or fill them up.  It takes humility to stand in the recognition that we are all needy. We all have our broken places. So to be a better lover, you must be willing to accept your partner’s needs as valid. AND you must be willing to share your needs with them.  Maybe this is a projection, but I believe we were all loved imperfectly  as children. Somewhere along the line, we got the idea that our needs can not be met, and so therefore there is something wrong with us for wanting things. As adults, when someone is not there for us, it sticks a finger right into the sore spot. Sometimes, you can’t fulfill someone else’s need.  But in the act of staying, not shaming, but witnessing and helping them meet the need some other way, we do an incredibly loving act. This can be healing.


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Being a Better Lover Part 4 – I Will You Good

st. francis prayer Welcome back to the series on being a better lover.  I started with the principles of loving, and then moved on to the skills, and hopefully, you’re reading these in order, because they build upon one another. And of course, the skills are the principles put into practice.  Since principle number four was love is good will in action, the corresponding skill is I Will You Good. Like yesterday’s skill, this one can be hard to put into play with people you don’t like.  After my first husband and I split up, I had lots of things I was angry about.  There were days, quite frankly, when I wished he would get run over by a bus.  Many people would have told you that I was justified in being angry. But here’s the problem with self-righteous anger.  It actually serves no one. Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Holding onto anger has been deemed a contributing factor in many major illnesses, including heart disease and cancer. When I think about how I function when I am angry, it’s hard to see the benefits.  I’m unfocused, distracted. My heart rate is up.  My muscles are tense, and my throat is tight.  Adrenaline races through me, which is probably why I stay angry. It makes me feel more powerful and therefore safe, but anger appears to have only one function, to destroy.  Internalized,it destroys our health.  Externalized, it can destroy the furniture, or relationships.

At times like that, it takes all my intentionality to remember to will the other good.  And yet this is the path of Love.  It is love for them, and love for self, at work. The golden rule states do unto others as we would have them do unto us.  Anything else is sheer laziness! Sometimes, it doesn’t come easy, oh how I know that. But I have the intention to get there.  Here are some useful tips for how to become open to willing another person good when you are just plain mad at them.

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