Why We Need a Consent Culture

What is Consent Culture?

A He Says – She Says Post

Rebekah says – Recently, I have either been the victim of, or a witness to, several “violations of consent.” In case you have never heard this term, it refers to an incident of touching another person without receiving their agreement to be touched. In most BDSM clubs and communities, consent is a requirement. In our events and especially our play parties, touching someone without their consent is grounds for being ejected.

First of all, why is this even an issue? You don’t touch other people’s things is one of those rules drummed into us from very early childhood. Every toddler has at one time been told this as they grabbed for the crystal candy dish at Grandma’s house. People’s bodies should carry an even stricter proviso. And yet there is a sense of entitlement to touching other people. We seek the comfort of physical connection, so we touch first, without thinking of what the other person may want. Pregnant women experience this, that somehow that belly goes into the public domain. In other situations, hugging is expected when greeting and leave taking. In best case scenarios, consent is at least sought non-verbally. if you don’t want to be hugged, I encourage you to say, “I’m not feeling like a hug right now. Thanks.” remember that no is a complete sentence.

No is a complete sentence. Click To Tweet

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How Your Brain is Ruining Your Relationships

Does Having Better Relationships Seem Impossible?

Do you find that it’s getting harder and harder to meet people worth dating?

Or maybe you are in a relationship, but when you look over at them, the glow is gone?

Are you wondering IS THIS IT? Am I destined for another break-up, a life alone, or a life of loneliness even though I’m married?

We hear this from so many people that we work with. The single ones looking for lovers say, “Nobody wants me because (fill in the blank). Or “There just aren’t any good ones out there.”

The couples say, “We have a great relationship in so many ways, but we just don’t connect in the bedroom.” Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, “The sex is great, but s/he never says I love you.”

It’s easy to think the problem is all out there, with those other people. But here’s the truth. When you don’t have the love life you desire, the problem is all inside you.

When you don't have the love life you desire, the problem is all inside you. Click To Tweet

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Thoughts on Freedom

Land of the Free

memorial-day-clipart-Memorial-Day-Clipart-2It is Memorial Day Weekend, the time when we remember those who lost their lives during military service. Floating all around social media is the meme that they died to protect our freedom. I’m not going to write about the complicated topic of the military industrial complex, or why wars are fought. My father was a veteran. I respect and appreciate all the men and women who agreed to do a job where the risk was so high, and who paid that price. I grieve for the families that are left behind. What I want to talk about is FREEDOM. How free are we? And what are we doing with this freedom?

Since this is Pleasure Evolution, you know where we’re going with this. The suffragettes who chained themselves to the white house fence and went on hunger strikes in prison, eventually gaining women the right to vote. The feminists who marched and lobbied and got the ERA passed. The activists that rebelled at Stonewall paving the way for gay rights. Trans activists, and sadly numerous murder victims or suicides who bring awareness of their plight to the consciousness of all. We stand on the shoulders of those who fought for our sexual freedom.

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A New Kind of Water Sport

It’s National Masturbation Month – Let’s Self-Pleasure

So we are bringing you a video from the vault, back when Pleasure Evolution was mostly serving women, under the banner of WiseWild Feminine. Check out these tips for making the most of your tub.

Being alone is no excuse for a lousy sex life. - Rebekah Beneteau Click To Tweet

And then check out our webinar Masturbation Made Better for even more tips on how to make self-pleasure even more satisfying.

Poly or Mono?

People ask us whether we push the “poly agenda” or the “mono agenda”

The answer is neither.

We firmly believe that your relationship should be a conscious series of decisions rather than defaulting to the majority. People are very individualistic and we think that sexuality and relationships are equally unique.

So ask yourself and your partner what kind of relationship works for you. Ask a LOT of questions and don’t assume anything is understood without inquiry.

Perhaps you and your partner want a monogamous relationship with occasional sexual forays done together or separately. This is sometimes called being “monogamish”. Maybe you enjoy going to sex parties or swinging, but have no intention of forming outside relationships. Polyamory implies that you will have multiple relationships with various degrees of love and commitment.

Thriving relationships require good communication. Polyamory will multiply that need by the amount of partners involved. Both relationship styles will bring up issues, but different ones. An monogamous relationship can bring up issues around boredom, and restriction. A non-monogamous union can trigger feelings due to time limitations, and equality. Jealousy comes up in all relationships, but will be more provocative when there are more lovers in the mix. Poly is definitely not an easier way to get sex. Poly takes effort and vigilance. That is not to say that monogamy doesn’t, simply that polyamory brings the subjects up more often.

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Pleasure Evolution
Asheville, NC
(828) 348-4925
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