Why do people like “Degrading Sex?”

Humiliation and Degrading Sex

This topic has been up lately, as we recently got a message from a man who wanted to understand a desire his partner was expressing. Basically, it boiled down to “what’s up with degradation, rough sex, or rape scenarios?” We also had a letter from a woman, who was feeling badly about how turned on she got from degrading sex. First off, science has not yet discovered why certain stimuli, over others, light up the arousal center in the brain. People are turned on by all kinds of things. So we tell our clients that no source of turn-on is shameful. If you can allow yourself to feel the arousal, then you can decide if you want to leave it in the realm of imagination, or act on it. There are a few underlying reasons that are commonly found, but the truth is, it’s just is a part of your make-up, and the more you try to repress it, the more persistent and taboo it becomes.

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Before You Give Up on Your Marriage – Try This

Saving Your Marriage 101

I love the Gottman Institute. Dr.’s John and Julie Gottman have made a lifetime study of marriage, and developed an approach that supports and repairs troubled relationships and strengthens happy ones. Their blog is always informative.

In a recent post, they listed 10 things to try before giving up on your marriage. The first and last three have to do with handling conflict in constructive rather than destructive ways. Numbers 4 – 7  are:

  • Boost up physical affection
  • Nurture fondness and admiration
  • Spend time together daily and
  • Communicate honestly about key issues in the relationship

This is what we teach at Pleasure Evolution. We believe that a strong intimate connection strengthens your relationship. Not only that, the lack of good sex can be the underlying cause of conflict. Victor Baranco of Lafayette Morehouse used to say couples were either “f*$#ing or fighting.” Energy that gets stirred up in us through plain old daily living, has to go somewhere. Sexual intimacy is a key issue that often gets relegated to the back burner. Even when a couple is communicating about other things, our bedroom life seems either too big or too small to mention. Our erotic identities are so often shamed by cultural and religious upbringing. It can feel super vulnerable to let our partner know what arouses us. Especially if that something is new to us. Honestly, there is nothing new about sex in all its forms. If you are isolated, it’s easy to feel that you are the ONLY one who likes something. Believe us when we tell you, you aren’t.

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Rekindle the Romance for Couples

Sparks into Flames

Whether you’ve been together for a year or a decade, childhood sweethearts or strangers that got caught up in a whirlwind romance, this video is for you!

 

Don’t wait until you’ve argued over the toothpaste for the 500th time, or whose turn it is to control the remote. Make your relationship as great as possible.  Come to Costa Rica for an exotic retreat to make your relationship the greatest it can be!

Partners In Paradise

March 4-10, 2017

We all Change

Time is like a river, and so are we

The idea that we cannot step into the same river, because the water that riverwas there moments ago has flowed onward, is an  idea put forth by the Greek Philosopher Heraclitus sometime in 4th century BCE.  I’ve looked to the ancient philosophers for guidance and help for many years and this one is a good starting point. The river is a symbol for life, time and places, and now I suggest for people as well.

Few people can go through life without changing. We are changed by the experiences we have and the people we meet. We are changed by the challenges we face, and whether or not we overcome them.

I want to change for the better

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Must-Have Sexual Experiences

About Must-Have Sexual Experiences

I subscribe to a website that connects reporters working on stories with specialists who can give information. We’ve soapboxgotten lots of great exposure working with journalists from Salon, CafeMom, Alternet and The Stir. But a request today triggered me, and so this is a SOAPBOX ALERT!!!

The reporter wanted to know about “Sexual Experiences Everyone Should Experience.”

Here’s what I wanted to respond. There are none. Keep reading to see what I want the article to say. . .

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Pleasure Evolution
Asheville, NC
(828) 348-4925
support@pleasureevolution.com

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