My girlfriend doesn’t experience vaginal orgasm!
This is a very common complaint from clients. The men want to “make” their woman cum from f#*king. The women think they should be able to orgasm from penetration. (All those movies can’t be wrong, right? Not even talking about porn here. Every Hollywood movie has people flinging off their clothes, doing it up against the wall, and leaving her a satisfied puddle) Let’s set the record straight. This is the cosmic irony of sex. A man puts his most sensitive part, the penis containing 4,000 nerve endings designed to register touch, into the woman’s least sensitive part. That’s right, the vaginal canal has only a few nerve endings, and these are receptors for temperature and pressure, but not pleasure. By contrast, the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and the anus has 3000, all designed to register touch.
The other morning, Trevor sank deep inside me with a groan, eyes closing. A hidden struggle was going on within him. “Every time, I keep hoping it won’t be this intense.” What?” I asked. “The pleasure…when it’s with someone I love.” I was so touched to hear that. And it got me thinking. We aren’t alone. For most couples during intercourse she is trying desperately to feel everything, in an attempt to achieve orgasm. He is trying to feel LESS to avoid having an orgasm first and ending the encounter. He is avoiding pleasure and trying to help her orgasm, and risks getting less and less present to her and the moment. The more turned on she gets, the harder it gets for him to stay detached. As a woman, I feel trapped in this bind, if I really give in to my pleasure, will he get too excited? Will it end before I am halfway there? But minimizing the pleasure is a no-win for everyone.
Why Some Women Orgasm From Intercourse
The lucky women who do orgasm from intercourse are blessed in their anatomy. They are usually women whose clitorises are close to the opening of the vagina, so they receive stimulation there during penetration. There are also several spots within the vagina that have bundles of nerve endings. One is the root of the clitoris, located three inches in on the roof, or 12 o’clock if you imagine a clock face superimposed on the vulva. There are similar sensitive spots located at 3, 6 and 9 o’clock. The good news is that the more engorged a woman is, the more accessible those spots become. This is where good foreplay comes in. The more excited she is, perhaps even having c*m already, the better penetration will feel to her. There is also the vagus nerve located on the cervix that bypasses the spine and goes straight to the pleasure center of the brain. Stimulating this can lead to orgasm, but can also be painful for many women, or too deep to reach.
And here’s a bit of personal truth, I can sometimes orgasm just from kissing or performing oral sex, but I don’t usually come from penetration. Don’t get me wrong, it feels fantastic. When my partner comes, I have a sympathetic orgasm that can rock my world, and leave me speechless. But it’s not the same as the full body, “oh my god, please stop touching me now, please, I can’t take it!” that happens from manual or oral stimulation. After those, penetration feels amazing in a grounding way, and connects me to my partner. Once in a very great while, I cu* during penetration, and it is still a different sensation of cu**ing. Guess what? They are all good.
How to Increase the Chances of Vaginal Orgasm
If you or your female bodied lover can’t orgasm from intercourse, don’t despair. Here are some steps you can take:
- Invest some time in learning how to take it slow, and get her really ramped up first.
- Experiment with positions that make contact with the sensitive places within her UNIQUE vagina. They aren’t the same on everyone. Take some time to map out her anatomy through exploration. Like an optometrist, “better like this?”
- Find ways to stimulate the clitoris while penetration occurs. This is NOT cheating. In fact, stimulate all the secondary erogenous zones too, like nipples, lips, and anus.
- Have fun with this research, and you’ll already be winning and have more pleasure in your life even if you never make it to the “goal.”
- Better yet, let go of the goal, and practice being in appreciation for every stoke that feels good to you.
- Take our Pillowtalk class to learn more about manual stimulation techniques that feel fantastic.
“I never met an orgasm I didn’t like. ” – Woody Allen